On The Way to Leadership: Building Blocks of Opportunity
From adolescence on, I was occasionally in positions of leadership.
Not because I was a natural born leader, I’m not even sure I believe such a person exists. The reason I had those opportunities has little to do with the qualities of leadership as I understand them today. It was a series of small building blocks which gave me the opportunity to learn how to lead.
It was a ‘cart before the horse’ scenario that I found myself in repeatedly throughout my life.
When Opportunity Knocks, Say Yes
At age fifteen, I was placed in charge of a weeklong sports camp. For 6-hours each day, two school buses of kids aged 10 - 12 disembarked in a grade school parking lot for a day of learning about and playing sports. If that seems a bit young, there is no cause for concern. It is not as though I was in charge of an overnight camp, you had to be a more mature sixteen years old for that. I was merely looking after 60 or so rambunctious kids while introducing them to completely safe activities such as field hockey, lacrosse and archery.
Was I an inspiration to those children? Someone whose words they would reflect upon as they grew up and whose actions they would emulate? Of course not! What I brought to the table, why I was ‘in charge’, was a simple combination of agreeing to do it and an ability to organize people.
Fun fact: the ability to organize people at a young age is not a transferrable skill that applies to keeping your teenaged bedroom clean
I wasn’t some random person off the street. The organization running the camp was my second family (the YMCA) and had known me for 4-5 years. As a member of the competitive gymnastics team, I was trained in advanced first aid and served as a coach to younger, recreational gymnastics participants.
Leadership wasn’t a goal I continued to pursue in my teenage years. I never ran for class president, was never the captain of a sports team. Even in my part-time jobs, I wasn’t the assistant manager, nor the ‘opener/closer’ who would possess the keys and the combination to the store safe.
Still, looking back on my first memorable experience, the two things which put me in that position, saying yes and knowing how to keep people occupied for 6 hours a day, gave me the opportunity to learn a little bit about being a leader.
Charting a Course
The first time I recall consciously wanting to hold a position of leadership, maintaining that drive and charting the course to do so, was in university.
I was a few years older than most first year students, and lived off campus in a downtown Windsor apartment with a friend. It became clear early on that my friend was not going to continue studying at the university after the completion of that year. Neither of us knew anyone in the city so I had to get busy making some connections. In second semester, I joined a sorority. More on that experience in a subsequent story. For now, I will simply state that it was nothing like what you see in the movies or headlines. Those depictions are absolutely true, just not a representation of my experience on a small Canadian campus.
By the end of that term, I knew I was going to be president some day. I asked questions of the current leadership, I figured out what I had to do to be considered a viable candidate for president 3 - 4 years down the road, and then I did it.
I said yes to every opportunity. I volunteered. I organized. I took on committee roles, then committee lead roles and eventually executive positions. I maintained the highest GPA of my entire academic life to prove it could be done while participating in extracurriculars.
And there I was, three years later, as president, sitting through one of our business meetings (Roberts Rules y’all!) when conflict arose. The specifics of which I no longer recall, however it was serious enough that our chapter coordinator, a volunteer position held by an adult alumnus, stepped in and assumed the leadership role for that discussion. Why? Because I was avoiding eye-contact, shrinking into my seat, the discomfort of the moment fully inhabiting me.
My leadership had not been stress tested before that moment.
Creating a plan, sticking to it and doing the work over the long term got me the desired result but I learned more about being a leader from those fifteen uncomfortable minutes than I did in the years of prep that placed me in that role.
I learned that leaders need to be present in moments of conflict. They need to keep their emotions in check. They need to balance their role of friend/colleague with that of doing what is right for the larger organization. At that time, I failed as a leader, and was not someone to look up to.
The experience gave me the opportunity to model the behaviour of someone I admired, who was more mature, more experienced herself in leadership. Had I not been in the role of president for that meeting, I’m unsure I would have received the same lesson. It is much more visceral to contrast your shortcomings with the behaviour of someone more experienced, than to merely be a witness to an awkward situation.
It took me a long time to grow comfortable leading through conflict. I still don’t enjoy it, but I do understand the importance of being a strong, steadfast presence in difficult times. Charting a course gave me a front row seat to learn more about how to be a leader.
Speaking Up
I’ve written many times about my proclivity for speaking my mind so I won’t hit you over the head with it here.
Throughout my career, I began to recognize how often decisions and determinations were left unchallenged. Not because the ideas were incredible, just due to the fact that no one wanted to be the bad guy. The Debbie Downer of the group.
I also saw first-hand, how my own bosses were completely unaware of the negative effect some of their decisions and word choices had on their team. You could argue they should know, but in the real world, that isn’t the case.
The way I saw it, I was complicit by not providing feedback.
Thus embarked my building block in leadership by simply using my voice.
In the first attempts at using my voice, I was nervous and made mistakes. Sometimes I was too heavy-handed, other times, I was too meek. But I kept at it, growing more comfortable identifying the opportune times to speak up. My ideas were no better than anyone else’s, but they were vocalized when others remained silent. I learned the language that most effectively challenged the accepted wisdom in the boardroom without being insensitive. My one-to-one meetings often turned into ‘managing up’ conversations with my superiors.
Both of those experiences repeatedly taught me how to be more aware of the pitfalls of groupthink. How to be more in tune with the people I led, directly and indirectly. How to build genuine and respectful relationships in the workplace.
I learned that not everyone is thrilled to have a thoughtful and questioning voice on their team. That it is viewed as disruptive by managers who doubt their own abilities.
By then, I knew I was modelling behaviour for my own team members and wanted them to feel confident asking questions and speaking for themselves.
Speaking up placed me in the direct path of respectful opposition and growth.
Putting Others First
Moving into leadership roles opened up opportunities in the community, accompanied by one big downside - networking events.
Chatterbox that I am, networking should be an easy experience, yet I dread it. It brings out some of the phoniest personas of otherwise normal people. It can be worse than high school for the cliques that form and ‘see-and-be-seen’ nature of attendance. I am never comfortable in this setting. If you’ve ever met me at a networking event, and I seem to be a cool cucumber, it is because I figured out my way to survive.
I make it all about other people.
Find the wallflower and befriend them. Figure out what brought them there and help them achieve their goal. It gives me a little job to do and a purpose for approaching a complete stranger that is not 100% awkward.
It also made me comfortable connecting people.
Need some sound advice from an HR perspective? Done.
Looking to speak with a fellow new executive board member? No sweat.
Hoping to gain some insight on digital marketing best practices? Easy peezey.
I’m not the one with all the answers. Genuinely helping people solve their problems by connecting them to the right person builds a community like no other. A community which, eventually, offered opportunities to further my leadership experience, and learning. I championed a peer group full of technology leaders far more talented than I will ever be. It gave me my first chance to serve on a non-profit board. Neither of which was a goal of mine.
On reflection though, I see the building blocks were all there.
I said yes, even though I was unsure of networking. I charted a course, my way of navigating those events in a way which gave me a sense of purpose. I used my voice, perhaps in a manner that differed from other attendees. And I built genuine relationships that evolved out of connecting people.
Learning the theories and best practices of leadership was something I undertook with intention, in a formal setting. Do not think for a minute you can skip the academic side of learning. and growth as a leader.
However, the opportunities to experience leadership, those lessons, negative and positive that can only be acquired first-hand, I recognize my choices were indeed building blocks that helped garner those opportunities.
What building blocks have helped you grow into the leader you are today?
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