Historic Movie Moments, Historic Meltdowns
Time to lighten up.
After a few stories on somewhat serious topics, I’m embracing the recent success of box office hits – thanks #Barbenheimer - and reflecting on the times I was lucky enough to witness movie history. I wanted to simply write about my love for film when I realized, I’ve been privy to some of the biggest cinematic milestones to occur during my lifetime. These films and their movie moments inspired generations; brought people together and changed the industry forever. These moments made going to the movies an event. The downside of experiencing historic moments is that you don’t always appreciate them at the time.
Especially if you’re a small child.
Who is afraid of pretty much everything.
Let’s just state for the record, some mistakes were made.
Drive-In Double Features and Double Takes
You may recall I was introduced to movies via reel-to-reel rentals from the public library.
Almost everything I saw as a kid was at home. As a family, we made the occasional outing to the Barrie Triple Drive-In (now called Sunset Drive-In). My parents, smart enough to not try to bring two young children to an actual theatre, started us off at the drive-in because we could wear ourselves out on the bizarre ‘70s playground equipment, help ourselves to the cooler full of pop, sandwiches and snacks and just possibly, fall asleep before the final movie of the night started to play. The one my parents actually wanted to see.
And so, there I was, in 1977, curled up with my blanket, pillow, a can of Canada Dry ginger ale and completely clueless as to what was about to happen.
Through the speaker that was hooked up to our car, an unbelievably loud symphony blasted notes from John Williams that would become immediately recognizable for generations as the start of a new adventure. I peered through the windshield at a black screen that simply read “A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…”
I was completely mesmerized. Droids! Laser blasts! Outer space!
This hypnotic state lasted a grand total of 4.5 minutes, at which point Darth Vader stepped into the scene, I lost my mind and dove under the blanket, sobbing uncontrollably. Just as George Lucas intended.
The funny thing about this incident isn’t just that I was too young to enjoy what would become a record-breaking movie, it is just how big Star Wars is in my life. It isn’t my favourite film, but it is easily the one I’ve seen the most, it is not even close.
There was a time when, if I heard the theme music that accompanied the 20th Century Fox production logo at the start of a film, I just assumed it was going to be Star Wars. The two were inseparable for me.
Star Wars was where I was introduced to my first female role model, Leia, closely followed by Lynda Carter’s Wonder Woman. It is where I met my first pretend husband, Luke Skywalker, which may come as a surprise to Mark Hamill. Sadly, that relationship didn’t last as he would be replaced by dozens of imaginary boyfriends over the years including Fox Mulder, John Cusack and Fede Álvarez.
And I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention, back then Han. Shot. First.
Darth Vader entered. I hid.
The rest of my childhood drive-in days are a blur and certainly nothing of cinematic importance happened. Burt Reynolds featured prominently, as it seemed that the opening film if it wasn’t Star Wars, was Smokey & the Bandit.
I caught snippets of grown-up movies, such as The Jerk and Any Which Way But Loose, but only one other movie really made a lasting impression. Depending on where the car was parked, being a triple drive-in, you could see, but not hear, one of the other films playing on a different screen.
There I was minding my own business, who knows what I was supposed to be watching when I saw one of the beach scenes from The Blue Lagoon and let me tell you, what was happening over there was NOT something I’d seen in Star Wars.
A Trip to the Cinema, an Alien and More Tears
I do not have a lot of memories of going to the movies in a theatre as a kid. We didn’t move to a city that had cinemas until I was seven, it was probably pretty costly, but really, I’m sure mostly it was due to my very, very bad first experience.
It was 1982. The world was about to fall in love with a three-foot-tall puppet, and once again, I was about to ruin a key moment in cinematic history.
Steven Spielberg released E.T., the surprise hit that astonished audiences. It gave us the single best child actor performance of a generation - how did Henry Thomas not get a nomination - set audiences up for a lifetime of watching Spielberg reconcile his family issues onscreen, and it contains some of the most recognizable cinematic dialogue, visuals and score, once again thanks to John Williams.
The draw for people to see this movie cannot be overstated, and this is where a desire to be entertained met really poor decision-making. Really, really poor.
Imagine for a moment, you are a 26-year-old guy who (rightly) sees the trailer for E.T. and thinks, ‘damn, that looks like a great movie! And it’s by the guy who gave us JAWS and Close Encounters. I’ve got to see this.’ So far, so good. The problem? It is definitely aimed at kids, so it’s not as though you can go with your buddies on a Friday night.
This was the conundrum my uncle faced, and his solution was to take me and my older brother, to see E.T. On his own. With zero experience looking after kids.
Off we went to see the matinee at the Roxy Theatre in downtown Barrie. The Roxy was one of those classier-designed cinemas from yesteryear, complete with balconies and a curtain that drew open to reveal the screen. (Later it would become a bar, The Roxx, and I can attest to far less classy things happening there) With our pop and popcorn, the three of us settled in. My uncle, my older brother, and eight-year-old, new-to-the-theatre, missing-my-mom-already little me.
This time, I didn’t even make the 4.5-minute mark.
The opening scene has our little botanist alien missing his flight and being chased in the dark of night by government agents.
E.T. screams. I scream back. Popcorn flies.
The buttery puffs settled around me like falling snow as I lay huddled and sobbing on the floor. It turned out to be the warm-up for my second and third act crises which occurred when the raccoon attacks E.T. in the forest: when he “dies” and on cue with the rising John Williams’ crescendo at the very end, when E.T. leaves Earth, and Elliot, behind.
A scene from E.T. or a reenactment of me watching E.T.
Do you know who wasn’t ready to see the quintessential family film of my generation? Me. The target audience. The only winners in this scenario were my parents, who probably could guess this outcome, which is why they weren’t the ones taking us to see E.T.
I’m fairly certain this single movie-going experience is what kept my uncle from having kids until much, much later in life.
Dude just wanted to go see the cute alien movie.
Psychopaths and Parents
As I started to go to the movies on a regular basis, what I went to see was commercial crap targeted at teens. The Secret of My Success, Can’t Buy Me Love, Nightmare on Elm Street 3…yes, I’m proud to announce that by then I was able to watch a movie while remaining firmly in my seat.
Skip ahead to 1991.
I was dating a guy from my high school and we watched a movie that was so stunningly good we decided to incorporate it into a planned dinner outing where our parents would get to meet each other. The quality of the film cannot be overstated. To this day it remains the third, and final, film ever to sweep all five top Academy Awards.
It introduced one of the most memorable cinematic baddies of all time and prompted audiences across North America to ask “What the hell is a fava bean?”.
The way Jodi Foster is framed by the camera in The Silence of the Lambs is nothing short of remarkable. She is always shown to be tiny, the smallest person in the room, surrounded by large men, and underestimated at every turn. I remember being glued to the screen as the mystery unravelled. And like everyone else, blown away by Anthony Hopkins who only appears for 16 minutes and leaves a larger-than-life impression.
Off we go on this strange ice-breaker of a triple date, the movie has only gained more momentum and acclaim in the two weeks since we’d first gone, so everyone is excited.
It was then, precisely at the scene when Buffalo Bill starts his dance routine that it dawned on us that maybe, perhaps, this wasn’t the ideal choice for a parental get-together.
Life lesson for any younger readers out there, when choosing a film to include as part of your get-to-know-each-other event with both sets of parents, avoid ones that involve two or more of the following: serial killers, tucking, cannibalism, Miggs, and/or sewing clothes made from human skin.
Even if it does win five academy awards.
Enjoyed this story? Add your email below to subscribe for free and receive these stories directly to your inbox. You may also support my writing by contributing to the tip jar.
Keep this topic going: listen to the accompanying podcast episode Malice - Movies that Subvert Expectations
